I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
