They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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