I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
