If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
