I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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