I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
