then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
