I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
no you cant smoke seaweed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
