Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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