end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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