Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
