I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
