Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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