Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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