Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
