I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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