ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
