Yo dont text me then not text me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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