ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
