Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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