bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
