there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
