i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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