My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's Friday. Sex?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
