i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize