Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
