There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
