The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
