i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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