I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
