ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
