I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
