My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She even gives head with a lisp.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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