We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
