Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
