he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
