So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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