i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
