how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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