you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
