Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
