I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
