i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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