i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize