His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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