"it" just moved
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
