I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
