pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wear drunk well.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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