you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sarcasm needs its own font
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
