she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
