It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
