I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
