the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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