if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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