I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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