Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
NoShamevember. You game?
You need Xanax blowdarts
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
