im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
