i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
