I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
