She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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