I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
