Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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