discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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