I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize