When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
